you never know...2009

it all started splendid

oldest...pride and joy hair

fixed just so

all ready for the Christmas

family photo

then splat

a dastardly pigeon

let go

overhead

one amused

some concerned

a day not to be forgotten

for the wrong reason

little boys smile

perfect cooperation

hat girl sees the joke

but, oldest

just a poopy day

...

i stand all amazed

today is a day for temple worship

lynda becomes endowed

supernal gift

parting veil

glimpse of heaven

comprised of family

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*to be endowed
*temples close by
*worthy children
*willing heart
*snow
*frosty air to breathe
*Primary
*i know i am His child
*change
*colorful wrapping paper
*morning stretch
*to create
*our heater works
*toast and hot chocolate
*we can pay our bills
*today
*young ed was born

...

wabi-sabi

there is a crack

imperfect

yet

most appealing

a vessel to carry
serve
holding my heart

i could never abandon

colors

weight

loveliness

or

memory of

she who came bearing this gift

surrounded

lovely comfort

wabi-sabi

"Wabibitos live modestly, satisfied with things as they are.  They own only what's necessary for its utility or beauty (ideally, both).  They revere humans over machines, surrounding themselves with things that resonate with the spirit of their makers.  Wabi-sabi is imperfect:  a beloved chipped vase or a scarred wooden table.

This getting away from perfect is one of wabi-sabi's most appealing facets.  It means you can keep the tablecloth even though it's fraying on the edges and admire the rug as it fades from brilliant red to pale rose.  You can let things be.  It's like going to Grandma's house.

Our Depression-era grandmothers knew wabi-sabi.  And their houses were so comfortable because they understood, inherently, the difference between wabi and slobby.  Their tablecloths and linens were faded, but they never had rips or tears.  Their furnishings had a settled-in quality, but they weren't dilapidated.  Their floors showed wear, but they were always swept, with rag rugs that wove together memories in their use of old garments."

~Robyn Griggs Lawrence

i read about this idea today (having no idea there was a term for this philosophy)...my life is filled with wabi-sabi...i love it so. this is why i find it difficult to toss items from my life. it's not that i'm hanging on to junk; chipped and scarred speak life and living. those visual reminders make me feel comfortable, and often tell a story.

...

first star

barely married

first Christmas

choosing an ornament

California warmth

didn't feel like home
downtown store

ornaments galore

but, i knew

it had to be a star

to grace the boughs

that little star

35 trees later

still lights the way

home

...

brazeli

a Swiss tradition

each Christmas

generations passed down

house fragrant

symbols on each cookie

a proud people

sugar, cinnamon, eggs, butter

toasty thin wafers

crumbs scatter

sweetie

his mother Lois

her mother Stella

her mother grandma Mani

her mother grandma Karlan
as far as anyone can remember

now our children

traditions

swiss iron

emerges each year

we gather

tell stories

listen to the songs

a sweet cycle

perpetuating

love

...

Him

the tree is up

home smells of welcome

clock sings NOEL

little bits of sparkle

scattered to and fro

He would feel peace here

surely He knows

celebration

preparation

gathering

sharing just a little more

longing

a way to honor

adore

Him

...

cast on, knit, cast off

metaphor (i think so)

"Choosing your wool is dizzying with potential: The waves of colors and textures tempt with visions of a sweater or cap (and all of the accompanying compliments you hope to receive) but don't reveal the hard work required to get there. Patience and attention to detail make all the difference. Also willingness. Challenge keeps it interesting, but don't select a pattern that's too far beyond you. Always select the best yarn you can afford. And use the type of needle that feels best in your hand; I always used bamboo. Even now, it all seems unbelievable to me that by pulling together a motley collection--the soft yarn, the sharp needles, the scripted pattern, the smoothing hook, the intangibles of creativity, humanity and imagination--you can create something that will hold a piece of your soul. But you can."

The Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs

sporting her first knitted creation...miss lizzie...
and yes, she does hold a piece of my soul

...

happy/sad

the most baffling thing

just can't figure out

why such a happy event

makes me feel a little blue

love these kids

it's a fit

hand and glove

yet...

a chapter closes

i keep looking back

wanting a little more

of you

...

complete

the most i could ever hope for

my heart's desire

always

to enjoy each other

to really truly care

show up

sacrifice

delight in

a mother's dream

my fondest wish

always to be friends

come true

(my eight children...photo taken in August at David's wedding)

...

the mask

did you ever wish

you had a mask

perpetual smile

no matter what?

heavy hearts

worry

thorny paths

masked

but then

there would be the

missing

reaching

humility

surrender

God

throw away the mask

you are enough

perfect

trying

masks are for theater

holidays

pretend

they get heavy

sweaty

obscure vision

we are about real

authentic

becoming

illustration by IRISZ AGOCS

...

my boys

these are the guys

the smiles

easy to love

it doesn't matter what i'm doing

when they walk through the door

my world stops

i'm there

"can i fix you something to eat"

"what's up"

"drive safely"

no one prepared me

i honestly had no idea

but

i should have known

my mother behaved the same way

adoring the men in her life

...

3:48 AM

it was just a dream
a bad one
i decide to check on you
round the corner
only your white hair
blue eyes
barely visable
mostly submerged
looking for help

it was just a dream
that woke me pre-dawn
i jumped in the water
overshot the jump
snatched you up

only a dream
you were two
maybe three
"don't swim without me"
you nod
"do you know how many times
i've pulled you out"
i hold up four fingers

even though a dream
i'm sick inside
sleep has fled
i want to bawl
you looked so helpless

the dream evaporates
i pray
so thankful
it was just a dream


(note...two separate times i have jumped in the water to pull out totally submerged little kids. both times i was fully dressed...once in a pond; the other time a swimming pool...neither of those kids were mine...so scary)

...

thankful

(218-240)

* my Boise family is coming to town

* i get to cook the special dinner

* my health is perfect

* children love to gather here

* my feet are warm

* abundance surrounds me

* she brought home pumpkin bread

* she can apologize

* he forgives

* the breeze cleared the valley

* maria helps me

* blessings rain

* toast

* tweety is sleeping here

* showing the girls how to knit

* he makes fires

* America

* freedom fighters

* missionaries

* scriptures

* honest hearts

* morning

...